I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
