I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
