now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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