Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
