allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
