He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I love you. Go after that dick
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