imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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