There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
