Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i've created a new STD.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
