you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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