If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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