Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
