I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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