I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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