i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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