We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think people are normalizing furries
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
