Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize