I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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