Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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