This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
