I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
