just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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