why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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