apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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