dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
