All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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