Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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