Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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