I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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