You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
