a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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