I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
