my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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