margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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