oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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