I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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