also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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