I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
