If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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