btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
