so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
