wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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