I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize