There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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