you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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