Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
