Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
