Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
