Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
