The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize