I'm jealous of your bromance
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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