I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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