I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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