In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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