Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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