Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
