I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
