girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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