is your mom at the bar?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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