also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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