What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
