Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
