How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
