if you like me you must not know who I am
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
