Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
